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The Most Disappointing Movies of the 80s

I was born in the early 70s, and like a lot of my contemporaries, I spent a lot of time during my middle school years at the mall/movies. One of the worst memories I have from my childhood is being all amped up to see a movie, only for it to be a complete waste of time and money. Looking back as an adult and admitted movie snob, it’s pretty obvious that most of these films never had a chance at being worth $4 to see. At the time, however, I was excited about all of them.

With a couple of exceptions, these aren’t the worst movies of the 80s, just the most disappointing.

Star Wars Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983)

Why I couldn’t wait to see it: Wasn’t everybody excited about this movie? I was too young to really understand the first Star Warsmovie, but I thought it was really “neat”, had the lunchbox, the action figures, and was Darth Vader for Halloween. With The Empire Strikes Back, I understood a lot more about what was happening and was sucked in by the story. I couldn’t wait to find out what was going to happen next.

Why I was disappointed:Just as I was starting to like the Star Wars series for the story, not just because things were getting blown up in space, someone got wise to the fact that they could make more money on merchandise than box office. Consequently, we got cuddly little teddy bears that kids would love–Ewoks. This wasn’t a bad movie at all, but it wasn’t as good as it could have and should have been. I can’t help but think that some of the story was traded in for merchandising efforts.

Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)

Why I couldn’t wait to see it:Unless you were living on another planet in 1985, you knew all about Madonna. Now, imagine you’re a 13 year old boy. You see my point.

Why I was disappointed:I was expecting to see basically an hour and a half of Madonna’s videos. Yeah, she looked hot in this movie, but this was our first clue that she can’t act. Remarkably, this didn’t stop her from starring in several movies later in her career. They were all pretty disappointing too.

Quicksilver (1986)

Why I Couldn’t Wait to See It: Badass BMX tricks–on TEN SPEEDS!!!

Why I was Disappointed:This one actually is one of the worst movies ever. Probably the only thing that keeps this from being the absolute worst I’ve ever seen is that my cousin and I were asked to leave before the end of the movie. From what I remember, we got bored watching Kevin Bacon working as a bicycle messenger and started throwing popcorn at people. Look, there were plenty of movies in the 80s that featured bad acting, no plot, and horrible writing. However, they delivered cool stuff like tons of skateboarding and breakdancing, so we were all okay with it. This movie had nothing.

The All Nighter (1987)

Why I Couldn’t Wait to See It:  Susanna Hoffs.  The previews for this movie made it look like it was going to be nothing but her and her hottie friends having a tickle fight that lasted into the wee hours of the morning and culminated in all of them going out the next day and looking for a redneck eighth grader (me) to hook up with.

Why I was Disappointed:  Maybe they should have hired the guys who edited and marketed the trailer to do the whole movie, because I bought it hook, line, and sinker.  All they did in this movie was talk!  Maybe if I’d known anything about girls at the time I would have paid enough attention to somehow gain some knowledge in picking up some chicks on my own.  Instead, I sat there and watched them talk about who knows what for the whole movie.  I honestly don’t remember anything about it except that there was no tickling.  Pam Grier was in it, but I didn’t know at the time how cool she is.

Light of Day (1987)

Why I Couldn’t Wait to See It:  Michael J. Fox and Joan Jett.  I love rock ‘n’ roll, and Teen Wolf and Back to the Future were cool too.  This seemed like it would be cool because Michael J. Fox actually was into playing guitar, and the idea of Joan Jett playing his sister and rocking out for an hour and a half was AWESOME.

Why I was Disappointed:  That’s not at all what this movie was about.  I was expecting something like what we see on Behind the Music…rock and roll craziness, drinking, drugs, boobs.  Instead it was about stuff like relationships, personal struggles, etc.  Instead of the cookie-cutter 80s rocker movie, this one had a real plot and was a unique story.  Sounds like something I’d really like now.  Now that I think about it, I should probably rent it and see if it’s really any good.

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McCain Vows to Impede Socialism

McCain’s big concern is the rise in socialism in Latin America.

As president, McCain said he would work on political, diplomatic and economic fronts to counter the rise of socialism, including efforts to spread free trade. Yet the United States must also stress the advantages of capitalism and democracy to win “a war of ideas” in the region, he said.

I have a great idea for a starting place for the crusade against socialism–Washington D.C.

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Professional Wrestlers Linked to Steroids?

Huh?! What?!

The hell you say!

Randy Orton, Ray Mysterio Jr., Edge, and Kurt Angle (Olympic gold medal in real wrestling) are all named.

Okay, taking steroids without a doctor’s prescription is illegal. Oh wait, the article says they had a prescription.

Either way, the gov’ment should do something about doctors prescribing dangerous steroids to people who don’t really need them. Maybe. But if they are going to go after them, I’d prefer they start with the “pain management” doctors prescribing Oxycontin. Continue reading “Professional Wrestlers Linked to Steroids?”

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A Well Formed Argument

I saw this years ago, but just came across it again.  Simple guide on how to argue effectively:

  1. Drink liquor (obviously)
  2. Make things up (“Always make up exact figures”)
  3.  Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases (“per se”)
  4. Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks (“What are your parameters?”)

These few steps will put you over the top in your next debate.

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Why the National Libertarian Party Should Pack It In

It’s very interesting to read so much on the web about the buzz Ron Paul is creating in his presidential run. Sure, it’s early still, and I’m not unrealistic about his chances, but I’ve heard more people mention his name already this year than I heard discussing Badnarik in 2004. Although many hardline libertarians would disagree, the fact that he’s a libertarian (basically) running as a Republican is all the more encouraging to me. I believe the Libertarian Party should cease pursuing offices at the national level.Like it or not, a great number of Americans think that there are only two political parties in this country, and that they are diametrically opposed to one another. Even those who are aware that other parties exist seem partial to believing that “other” parties are full of nuts/extremists. Most of those who don’t share this belief think that voting for anything other than a Democrat or a Republican is a wasted vote, since this vote cannot possibly contribute to a potential win for a candidate.

By running as a Republican, Ron Paul will do more for the libertarian movement than he could ever do by running as a libertarian candidate. First of all, he will not be shut out of nationally broadcast debates. This will give him the opportunity to not only get his own ideas across, but also give him the opportunity to call other candidates on their BS to be seen by a large audience. Remember when Alan Keyes got the opportunity to say this on Fox News in 1999:

And so what are we supposed to do again, get down on our knees and thank “Master Bush” now because he’s going to let us keep a little bit more of our own money? And we’ll thank “Master So-and-so” when they do it.

I think it’s time we realized that that kind of thinking is for slaves.

My ancestors were slaves. I abhor to think like one today.

The tax system for a free people is not a tax that gives the government a preemptive claim to a single penny of your income, and the right reform of this system is to get rid of the 16th Amendment, abolish the income tax, and return to the original Constitution of our country which funded the federal government with tariffs, duties, and excise taxes.

It would be tough to get a statement such as this out to such a broad audience without being affiliated with one of the two major parties.  Keyes didn’t get the nomination, but he did get that message across and made an attempt to push the tax debate in the right direction.

Another problem the LP has to overcome to win a national election is that this is a big nation with lots of people. Even if several libertarian strongholds like the Free State Project were established, it would be very difficult to win even one state, much less enough to compete for the presidency.  While some would argue that it is important to get the message out at the national level, wouldn’t it make more sense to concentrate efforts at the local level where the possibility of winning is reasonable?

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Education and Money Produce Terrorists

At least it produces more successful ones.

There is enough moral, psychological and sometimes financial payoff from the act of killing many people to offset the economic loss of their death. Therefore, the terrorist manager assigns the most deadly tasks to the highest-caliber people; otherwise, they will not bother. In an awful way, it makes sense, and it seems to be true. Caught and failed suicide bombers are conspicuously less educated than those who carry out their tasks.

The point of the article is that poverty doesn’t drive terrorism.  I’d have to agree with that, but I think it is pretty accurate to say that terrorism is driven by money.  I’m sure that most of the people who do the killing and dying are not motivated by money, but the people at the top almost assuredly are.  Religion is an easy sell to the masses to motivate them to do their bidding.

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All or Nothing Libertarians

The Volokh Conspiracy has some interesting thoughts (again) on why libertarians are destined to suffer perpetually.

My realistic side believes that it would be so much easier to infiltrate someone else’s party (cough cough Republicans cough cough) and point it in the “correct” direction instead of trying to reverse the brainwashing of a mass of people indoctrinated, err educated, in the public school system.

Realistically, people have a hard time comprehending anything Thomas Jefferson ever wrote, much less see how it applies to their lives 200 years later.   And truth be told, he’s one of the biggest reasons we are now stuck in a two party system–200 years later.

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Big Sister Hillary

I’m really going to enjoy watching these two bash each other in the coming months. Hopefully they will pummel one another to the point that neither can be elected.

[youtube 6h3G-lMZxjo]

* UPDATE *

A co-worker just pointed out to  me that the girl throwing the hammer is wearing an i-Pod.  Also there is an IP address super-imposed on the Hilary video that is registered to California State University.  Interesting.

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Vols in the Sweet 16!

And unlike the days of Uncle Jerry Green’s coaching tenure, people actually care.  What a great job Bruce Pearl did of adjusting at halftime.

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Rock and Roll Hall of Fame–Van Halen

Just watching it on VH1…I was a huge Van Halen fan back in the day.  It’s pretty crazy that the only two guys from the band who showed up were Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony, especially after they were the two who refused to be part of the ill-fated reunion a few weeks ago.

I know that Ed is in rehab, but what about the other guys?  Where were they?  After seeing it, I can honestly say that it’s probably for the best that they didn’t show up.  Sammy and Michael played and actually sounded (and looked) good.  Now it makes sense that they don’t want anything to do with a reunion–they are the only two who still have it.