Why We MUST Bail Out Chrysler

Because if they fail it could cause a depression.  At least that’s what one of their top execs, Jim Press, says.

“We’re on the brink with the U.S. auto manufacturing industry,” Press told The Associated Press in an interview. “If we have a catastrophic failure of one of these car companies, in this tender environment for the economy, it’s a huge blow. It could trigger a depression.”

I’m glad we have someone with his proven level of economic prowess in running a company into the ground to predict the economy for us.  Why couldn’t this soothsayer see the problems in his own company and avert them?

I’ll start looking to the execs of the Big Three for economic expertise as soon as I finish up getting investment tips from my uncle with his closet full of Beanie Babies.

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4 Replies to “Why We MUST Bail Out Chrysler”

  1. …and why should we bail out a company that is ran like this. Probably better that it doesn’t survive. Give the money to another automotive company who probably will never beg for money, say Toyota.

    Otherwise, please ensure that Beta-max and LaserDisc get their long overdue bailout money too.

  2. Well, I said that the “Scrub Club” in Key West needed a bailout, but I checked with them and they redesigned themselves as a live nude adult entertainment center with private 1 on 1 sessions and lap dances. I guess the Florida water shortage caught up with them and they showed the kind of American business acumen that the big 3 are bereft of. Oh hell, I ended another sentence with a proposition. I guess I deserve a bailout now because I’ve shown the appropriate amount of unapologetic incompetence.

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