The Return of Half

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted a Toonlet.  It’s not that I don’t have any material.  There are volumes of one liners perfectly suited for cartoons.  And boy do I know some characters.  It just slipped my mind for some reason.

This particular situation occurred on a night that began in an airport bar in Atlanta, continued on a trans-Atlantic flight, moved to a hotel bar in Limerick, then to a rugby match (sneaky with the flasks), some local pubs, a dance club, a miserably hot and humid train ride to Dublin sitting across from a guy who sniffed snuff every 45 seconds or so, a car ride to a pub out in the country with a driver who had never driven on the left side of the road, and another rugby match.

It goes without saying that most of us were ready to take a break from the sauce and sleep for a couple of hours.   Most of us.  Also, notice the new character–Mr. Soft Touch
After 48 Hours Of Drinking

Irony–Labor Day Nixed By a Union

The blogosphere is abuzz about Tyson Chicken’s new contract with its labor union that eliminates Labor Day as a paid holiday and replaces it with a Muslim holiday, Eid al-Fitr for the plant in Shelbyville, TN.

How ironic that a union eliminated a union holiday!  On one hand, I have to cheer the fact that an employer will not be giving their people the day off in celebration of the labor movement.  On the other hand, I’m disheartened by the fact that they were pushed into this situation by a union.  I guess they could have negotiated this issue if they’d wanted, but then again, a day is a day to the bottom line…why should they care which day the plant is shut down.

As for the people that are outraged by this change in policy, Blue Collar Muse makes a great point:

Every business in America was forced by the government to spend money to comply with the ADA a few years back. The government is implementing “No Smoking” practices against the will of many businesses around the country. These are great examples of behavior we should be outraged with.

As for me, I’m far from a Muslim, and even further from a socialist, so I’ll be working on both Eid al-Fitr and Labor Day.

Teleprompter Por Favor

Prediction:  As this Presidential campaign continues, Barack Obama is going to continue to get himself in trouble by being asked simple questions and making impromptu statements. In Georgia on Tuesday he gave us all some great advice on raising kids:

Instead of worrying about whether immigrants can learn English — they’ll learn English — you need to make sure your child can speak Spanish.

Really?  Is that what we should be doing? Is that what you’re doing Mr. Obama? Do your kids speak Spanish? (Disclaimer:  Our kid is learning Spanish from her mom, but not because Barack Obama or any other asshat running for public office thinks it’s what we should do. It’s mostly so she and her mom can tell secrets and make jokes about me behind my back–at least that’s what the voices tell me.)

Seriously, what the hell does this have to do with running for President? Is this part of your platform–a mandate that everyone should teach their kids Spanish? Is this really part of your stance on immigration? Does it really consists of a component that tells parents which and how many languages their kids should speak?

Some advice–stop improvising and get back to your bread and butter–saying “change” every other word without any details about what this change will entail.  When you start going off on random tangents about trivial things like policy you just confuse everyone.

Anyway…

It’s not fashionable to say so in the circles that Obama travels in, but the power and universality of the English language confirm and strengthen America’s way of life.

Exactly. And Obama is actually right about one thing–immigrants to the U.S. should learn English. But not because of some moronic legislation, and not because some politician suggested it. They should learn English because doing so gives them an economic advantage.

The Real Immigration Problem

I don’t talk about the whole “illegal immigration” thing here much, mostly because I think it’s a tad bit silly.  But now I’ve got my own immigration story.

800 miles ($100 in fuel and two days of driving) to Memphis and back

$400 (paid before the price was increased) fee to fill out a lot of paperwork

A 15 minute interview, and viola…

The Missus is going to get her citizenship.  Hopefully the swearing in will be a little closer than Memphis.  Of course we’re happy, but there are a couple of things about the whole process that I don’t understand.

She’s been here for 23 years.  She went to college here.  She went to grad school here.  She’s taught in multiple school systems.  She’s been paying taxes for a looooong time.  No problem letting her mold young minds, but issue her a passport?  No way.

Her brother has been here for 25 years.  He also went to college and grad school here.  He’s paid taxes (and lots of them) for a long time too, and he was only recently able to get his green card so that he isn’t dependent on the work visa he had through his current employer.  They both speak without accents and write English better than most people who were born here.

Why do people like this have to drive 800 miles for 15 minute interviews and practically beg to be a part of this country?  Isn’t there some way we could use ball bearings or lasers or computers or something to determine who is here (legally) and being productive?  Wouldn’t it be easier to simply send them a letter:

“Hey!  We noticed that you work your ass off, don’t break the law, and are a perfect example of everything that is right with this country.  We also noticed that you haven’t joined officially, and we’d really like for you too.  Get back to us and let’s make this happen–we’d love to have you!”

Chavez Brokers Deal For Hostages

From the Christian Science Monitor, two higher priority hostages have been released, and others may be forthcoming. The article doesn’t say what Chavez offered to secure their release.

Interesting. Show of hands–who here thinks Chavez promised FARC something juicy (hmm…what could a militant group want?) in return for making him look like a hero and undermining Colombia’s current administration?

Uribe had little choice but to allow the fiery leftist leader – who’s called him a “puppet” and “lapdog” of Washington – to organize a new mission, but demanded it be done discreetly and “with respect for the Colombian government.”

The Missus is Colombian, but has lived in the U.S. since she was a child and has limited knowledge about what goes on there. We’re encouraging her dad to start blogging, mostly as a way to get him to document all the great stories he has about growing up in the middle of the jungle in Colombia and the vast knowledge he has of the history and culture. We had a very short discussion over Christmas about this very situation. He has a lot of insight, and I wish we could have talked about it a little more or I’d have had a little less to drink :). No worries though, I’ve already sent an email asking for his comments, and with his permission I’ll post his response.

But at the same time, according to observers, Colombia could see an increase in FARC attacks throughout the country. “They will try to demonstrate that despite the setback and despite their willingness to release hostages, they are still powerful,” says Mr. Bagley.

It’s really too bad that most of what we hear about Colombia in the U.S. leads to the conclusion that there are kidnappers on every corner and snipers on every roof waiting to pick off any gringo that may stumble by. I’ve only visited once, but everyone I encountered was extremely friendly and anxious to dispell that myth. There was never a time when I didn’t feel completely safe. Admittedly, I was in a city the whole time. The mountains and jungles are more treacherous, even for Colombians. That’s unfortunate as well, because from everything I’ve seen in photos and heard from people who have been, these areas are absolutely beautiful.

***UPDATE–Here’s the response my father-in-law sent on how he surmises the situation

The situation that has presented to the world through the media is real, however the conclusions drawn from this is completely unreal.
Since the previous liberation attempt was a complete disaster to Chavez they had to come through with something to save face, especially when the FARC admitted that the Colombian President was stating the truth about the child, while at the same time Chavez was blaming the Colombians for the intermission in the liberation process . All the political representatives had egg on their face with this backfire to Chavez .

1. Fact : The leftist guerrillas are under direct control of foreign governments, Cuba.
2. Fact : Chavez is the apparent heir of Fidel.
3. Fact : This was a complete publicity stunt in favor of the guerrillas with the leftist figures to give it a political backing to the guerrillas showing a human side which they do not have.
4. Fact : The Colombian government was pressured into this farce by the French and European community which are looking to obtain the freedom of Ingrid Betancourt, freedom that will not happen for now. She is a big ace that the guerrillas hold for their advantage. She might be used in the next publicity stunt concocted in Cuba to further the Chavez agenda in Latin America.
5. Fact : This was a complete washing of Chavez ‘s face by the guerrillas through the orders of the puppet master ” Fidel Castro”