For a Few Reasons, This is Funny

Not the least of which is that Romney is stupid enough to be photographed so obviously proud of this sign.

Way to go South Carolina! Between coke dealing campaign chairmen–oh wait, that was just for sharing for personal use, not for sale–and political activists who can’t even spell “momma”, you guys are really doing the South proud!

At least they ain’t puttin’ on airs or gittin’ above their raisin’!

Rejected 2008 Campaign Slogans

I was reading some old posts on the debates and post debate interviews and thought it would be funny to make up some campaign slogans for the Republican candidates. Feel free to play along…

Mitt Romney–Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, I’m also a Mormon.

John McCain–Vote McCain! Did I read the queue card right?

Tommy Thompson–Wait ’til Fred gets here–you haven’t heard the last of the Thompsons!

Rudy Giuliani–You know I was Mayor of New York during 9-11, right?

Tom Tancredo–¿Que? ¿No habla? Adios.

Mike Huckabee–Even more likable than the last guy from Arkansas!

Jim Gilmore–Hey, d’ya hear the one about Rudy McRomney?

Duncan Hunter–If I catch one more Chinaman devaluing our currency…

Ron Paul–I’ve actually read the Constitution, have you?

Fred Thompson–*official slogan coming July 4th*

Newt Gingrich–Ask my mom what I think of Hillary.

Sam Brownback–Just another child of a loving (heterosexual) God

Thoughts on the New Hampshire Debate

Well, not very many fireworks at all.  John McCain, my friends, looked so rehearsed that he was afraid he was going to make a mistake.  I was glad to see Ron Paul stay on message and tie everything back to the Constitution and our flawed foreign policy.  Almost every statement he made received at least a smattering of applause from the audience, but then again, they are in New Hampshire.

I was really irritated at how Wolf Blitzer let the candidates go on and on with their off-topic answers.  I think he lost control of the moderation early on.  He started off trying to hold them to the questions, but Romney pretty much let him know that wasn’t going to happen.

Tommy Thompson looked prepared on the health care question.  He’s done his homework there.

Wasn’t it interesting how everyone else is now tying foreign policy to our dependence on energy?  Ron Paul brought this up in the first debate.  It’s just another example of his presence pushing the debate into the right direction.

Tom Tancredo may be the only man alive who is a worse public speaker than G.W. Bush.

Post Debate Coverage Part XI — Return of the Ass Clowns

It says nothing that Ron Paul is doing so well in the polls?  So it says nothing that Romney is doing well either, right?  He’s only looking at his reaction, and that’s all that matters.

Right Hannity…you challenged him, but you didn’t let him answer.  He tried to explain the Constitution to you, but you were too busy talking to listen.  Another guy who couldn’t make it as an actor and can’t stand not being on T.V.  What a jackass.

Post Debate Coverage Part X — Gilmore

It kills Hannity that Paul is doing so well in this poll. I love it. But he keeps talking about him.

Gilmore really has a hard on for Rudy McRomney. He’s not exactly dirty, but he’s definitely attacking them. It makes him look a little weak in my opinion. It’s almost as though he doesn’t really have anything to say, so he just attacks what they way…eh.

The candidates are getting less and less time to respond.

Post Debate Coverage Part VIII — Hunter

Paul still winning…but Romney is closing in.  It’s like they think Ron Paul is the Sanjaya of the debates.  The difference is that Sanjaya was getting enough votes to stay on the show.  Ron Paul is actually leading.  Sooner or later they’ll have to pay attention to him.

Hunter is a real dumbass if he thinks the Muslim world doesn’t see the United States as an aggressor.  They may be incorrect in thinking that, but they think it nonetheless.

Hannity makes sure he had a good time.  That’s what’s important.

Hunter doesn’t like line-cutting.  I can get with that!

Post Debate Coverage Part IV — Romney

It all comes back to the dollar bills for Romney…have to pay for those tanning visits.

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Romney gets the nomination.  He looks like what people expect a president to look like.

It’s funny watching Romney completely ignore Colmes–Dorky McDorkerson.  “Keep looking at Hannity…the answers lie within his eyes.”

Ask him again if he had fun tonight.  It is a great way to start (and end) and interview and let him talk about whatever he wants.  Maybe they should have asked him that in the middle too.

Ron Paul is ahead in the post-debate polls!  I love it!!!

Ron Paul was slapped by Guiliani?!?!?!  Hmm…I saw it the other way around.

Text message polls are all about organization.  Right.

Live Blogging of the South Carolina Debate Part III

Last segment…

Question 41: McCain wouldn’t torture someone because of world opinion, but he’s sure okay with occupying other countries.

Question 42: Guiliani doesn’t want to be responsible…just use “any method you can think of”

Question 43: Romney has been diffusing bombs during his time as governor of Massachusetts. And combing his hair.

Question 44: The obvious follow up question for Thompson is whether or not we will build a nation after we wipe out the African nation.

Question 45: Brownback bangs the podium like McCain bangs on the microphone.

Question 46: Hunter fixed his hair. “High pressure techniques”. I actually like that answer.

Question 47: McCain is doing a good job here backing up his position on torture.

Question 48: Gilmore recites his resume. He’d go to the U.N. That is the wrong answer. Especially because he was asked about the economy in the face of an attack, not the U.N.

Question 49: Huckabee totally ignores the question.

Question 50: Ron Paul wanders around this question…not a very good response.

Question 51: Screw Reagan, Tancredo invokes the name of Jack Bauer. Now that will get him some votes.

Question 52: Gilmore is stalling while he tries to figure out how he wants to answer this question. Chris Wallace calls him out on it. There will be minorities running in our party (but not this year).

Question 53: Romney support NCLB…ick! Kids aren’t getting the education they need because the government is in charge of it.

Question 54: Hunter gets a softball that lets him get back to his stance on China and trade.

Live Blogging of the South Carolina Debate Part II

After the break…

Question 21:  That’s funny that Gilmore lumps those three together.  I like to do that with “Republicrats”.  He is doing a great job of not naming names.  And now he’s naming names.  This could get good.

Question 22:  Guiliani is basically asking McCain to be his running mate.  I guess he’s been anointed?   Wallace busts his ass for not answering the question.  And he still does not answer the question.  He may become un-anointed.

Question 23:  McCain is going to turn this into “reach across the aisle”.  Wait for it…there it is!  I should be writing for him.  A least I know what he’s going to say already.  Three “reaces across the aisle” so far.
Question 24:   What if 80% of the citizens in Huckabee’s state voted for him to jump off a cliff…would he do it?

Question 25:  Poor Mitt Romney.  He had to fight so hard in Massachusetts.

Question 26:  Ronald Reagan gave amnesty to everyone.  Not one of these guys would support that.  It doesn’t poll well.

Question 27:   Thompson looks like a substitute science teacher talking about embryonic stem cells.  Actually, he looks like a vice principal filling in because there isn’t a substitute.

Question 28:  Guiliani gets another question.  This is now being made Guiliani vs. Huckabee…a nice “bump” for Huckabee.  He turns it into a blast on Islam.

Question 29:  Brownback at least stands by principle no matter the circumstances.  If you believe we are all children of God, his stance makes since.

Question 30:  Back to Romney.  I admire people who can separate their personal views and wishes with the role of government.  Unfortunately, Romney is just a flip-flopper.

No questions for Ron Paul in that round.  Hmmm……

Question 31:   I think Tancredo forgot the question.  The “Road to Des Moines” line was good.  Bonus points for that.

Question 32:  McCain wants a bi-partisan solution…a reach across the aisle.

Question 33:  Mr. Romney, we don’t need an employment verification system if we have big programs that give everything away to those who don’t work.

Question 34:  Rebuttal from McCain.  This is getting ridiculous.

Question 35:  Let’s put Guiliani’s database into Al Gore’s lock box.  He isn’t addressing the statements of his past.  This is becoming a pattern with him.

Question 36:  Duncan Hunter built a fence in San Diego.  That’s nothing compared to inventing the internet–good thing he doesn’t have to run against Gore.  His hair is messed up.

Question 37:  Didn’t Ron Paul answer this question before?  “Follow the Constitution” should be his campaign slogan.  Back to Reagan again…

***Guiliani butts in and breaks the format, and of course it is allowed by the moderators.  It is getting Ron Paul air time…I’ll take it.  Paul isn’t saying that 9-11 was justified, he’s only giving their justification.  He’s not condoning their reason, just saying that it was the reason.

Question 38:   McCain is taking his right answer and claiming that it was wrong.  It is up to the State of South Carolina.

Question 39:   Huckabee thinks “Missouri” ends with an “a”.  That’s a state issue, not a national one.

Question 40:  Tancredo gets confused on every single question.  He debates like an 8th grader.

Live Blogging of the South Carolina Debate Part I

Not really live…there’s about an 18 minute TiVo delay plus pausing for “I can’t believe he just said that” moments.

Question 1:  McCain seems like he is just trying to fill up a minute’s worth of talking

Question 2:  Thompson isn’t answering the question at all.  What he should say is, “If they don’t do it our way, we’ll leave–that’s how I can require them.”

Question 3:  Romney answers the question immediately.  He at least has a firm grasp on what he believes, assuming that it is within a reasonable foreign policy to be there.

Question 4:  Brownback, I think the base of the question was whether or not winning the war has anything to do with politicians.  You missed where he was going with this.  How do you use politics with people who only understand killing.

Question 5:   Guiliani makes a great point about the Democrats’ timetable.  That is a planned retreat–stupid tactically.

Question 6:   So basically, Tancredo would do exactly what Bush is doing…wrong answer.

Question 7:   Ron Paul is basically quoting how war is supposed to be declared constitutionally.  Channeling Ronald Reagan again…good move.

Question 8:   Hunter is more interested in presenting his resume where he “didn’t do anything special”.  That’s funny.

Question 9:  Huckabee looks like Kevin Spacey.  I believe in God, and the only thing I’m afraid of is  Mike Huckabee.

Question 10:   So will you or won’t you rule out striking Iran?  I’m confused.

Question 11:  How could you have raised taxes in Massachusettes?   They are so high they can’t be raised anymore.  “Washington is broken”–that sounds like something I’ve heard before.  Romney is the most impressive speaker.

Question 12:   Yes, spending is out of control McCain.  And how long have you been in Washington?  Yes, you are repeating your story.  Get some new material.

Question 13:  Huckabee throws the Fair Tax out there. I’d like to see how many of these clowns agree with him.  “John Edwards at a beauty shop”–that’s a lame and contrived line.  Minus some points for that one.

Question 14:  Guiliani catches on and invokes Reagan’s name.  Reduce government by attrition.

Question 15:  Brownback is a butt hook.  As soon as you start talking about how you can affect the markets as president, you’ve lost my support.  Let the providers increase supply if the market demands it.

Question 16:  Thompson looks like he’s reading his answer.  If he is, he should find someone to write a better answer for him.  He didn’t even name one program that needs to be eliminated.  And he got busted for it.  He immediately goes to his own department.

Question 17:   And Ron Paul names three DEPARTMENTS that need to be eliminated…not just programs.  I love this guy!  He is so on point it is unbelievable.  When have we ever had a Department of Homeland Security in any of the other wars we won…why do we need it now?

Question 18:   Gilmore is riding Ron Paul’s coattails in talking about making people independent of the government.  Pimps his website and blog.  I can respect that.  🙂

Question 19:   Hunter attacks China for devaluing their currency.

Question 20:  Tancredo has to think about whether or not debt is bad.  Everyone is now questioning the federal government’s role.  Ron Paul may not be able to win, but he’s moving the debate in the right direction.