My Audition as Lindsay Lohan’s Publicist

“The substance police allegedly found in my client’s car was not on the person of my client and was allegedly in the possession of one of the vehicle’s passengers.  My client was not aware that this person possessed alleged illegal substances.   Allegedly leaving the accident was an lapse in judgment, and my client wishes to apologize to her friends and family for any alleged embarrassment she may have caused them.  The important thing is that no one was seriously injured by her allegedly uncharacteristically poor decision.  My client and her family are exploring her options to receive the best possible medical care to help remedy her alleged condition, and we appreciate the public’s support during this trying time.”

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