I really need to borrow a toddler on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday night. Why do I need to borrow your toddler? Because I only have one. If you’re lucky enough to have two kids (talking to you ktown), you’re going to love this one.
We found a coupon in this week’s Metropulse for buy-one-get-one 1/3 pound burgers at Fuddruckers. Â Combine that with their Kids Eat Free Mondays-Wednesdays, and you can get a TON of food for well under $10! Â Even though nine year olds can eat free as well, this works best with toddlers because the kids meals are WAY more food than a toddler can eat. Â So you end up getting to eat most of their meal in addition to your food–think of it as free side items. Â Two kids meals and two 1/3 pound burgers is probably more than most families could eat. Â We usually don’t drink anything but water, so no need to pay for a drink either.
The Missus craves Fuddrucker’s during 2nd and 3rd trimester of pregnancy, wo we’ll probably be camping out there at least once a week as long as these coupons last. This is just one of the tactics we’ll be implementing in cost-down 2009!!!
UPDATE:Â DOH!!!!Â Coupon is only good on nights when kids don’t eat free.Â Boo!Â But my belly is full. Yay!
But just barely. Last year’s “year-end” post didn’t get written until we were literally hours into 2008. I’m on the ball this year though.
Lots of changes for me this year!Â One big event is that I changed jobs.Â More accurately, I quit my job and got another one later.Â It was basically a case of a one man union going on strike.Â Negotiations didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, but I’m in a much better place now.Â That seems to happen to me every time I change jobs.Â Not a bad time at all to move out of the auto industry anyway.
I took advantage of my new situation to work on some really cool stuff in 2008, and I’ve met some great people who are thinking in the right direction.Â Most of them are more Twitter-centric than blog centric, but I’ve also made some great connections in the blogosphere that have helped me become super-productive and inspired.Â I’ve finished this year in a frenzy working on a new project that I’m very excited about–more on that tomorrow when it’s officially launched.
But enough about me.Â Let’s talk about me.Â Here are my top 5 posts from 2008, as determined by you the reader:
5.Â Jitterbug Cell Phones for Old People
I saw this commercial and thought it was downright insulting to elderly people.Â Then again, I like the idea of having a phone that just lets you talk to people and nothing else.Â It’s very novel.
4.Â Homeschooling Ruled Illegal in California
That may have been a little bit of an exaggeration, but not much.Â It comes down to the State of California claiming to have more of a right to decide how a child is educated than a parent does.Â Right.
3.Â Died in a Blogging Accident
I saw this cartoon on XKCD and thought it was funny.Â It turned out to be one of the most searched for terms on Google that day, and me being the SEO master that I am, I popped up second.Â Weird that traffic is still tricking in on this.
2.Â My Ideal News Thingy
One of the things I’d hoped for in 2008 was to get a link from Instapundit, and I got it pretty early on.Â It’s interesting that almost one year later, I’m involved in a project that deals directly with some of the things I talked about in this post.
1.Â Another Naked Idiot
Like everyone else with a blog, my most popular post is bound to be about a chick getting naked.Â I’ve made a habit of writing about naked idiots because, well, because they make me laugh.Â They get traffic if you are early to post.Â LOL!Â I try to keep it confined to naked idiots in Tennessee, but we seem to have exceeded our quota over the past couple of years.
So if you made it to the end, there’s actually a little bit of a payoff.Â The biggest news of this year is that we are having another delivery from the stork in July 2009 and we’re super excited about it!Â Aside from lots of work, I’ve been pretty busy lately taking care of The Missus, who gets morning sickness 24/7 for the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.Â That further explains the sparse posting, but I plan to pick it up as she starts feeling better.
So I’ve had a fun couple of days down here in Florida playing with my sister-in-law’s kids. We’ve been staying up until like 2 am drinking coffee (don’t tell their mom), eating pizza, playing Wii, and talking trash about our skills.Â It doesn’t hurt that the weather is perfect, so during the day we can go outside and hang out.
But all that ends tomorrow.Â For me anyway.Â Tomorrow it’s going to get really cold (in the 60s), and they are all going to the zoo.Â That sucks.Â For me anyway.Â I have to work.Â And it’s worse when you work remotely, because at least when you have an office to go to you can forget about the fun everybody else is having on your drive to work and see a bunch of other people who are at work while all the kids are having fun.
Those kids better be ready for some Rock Band tomorrow night…it’s on!
It’s not that I really mind getting hit on by women when I take Chick Pea out by myself. I mean, it’s flattering and all, and I don’t want to discourage it. But please, all you baby’s mamas and disaffected housewives, you need to bring your A-game. I’ve seen way too many mistakes lately. Here are a few things you may want to keep in mind the next time you’re scoping out the father of someone else’s child in the park, mall, or payday advance center:
Don’t have your mom (the granny) do your dirty work.
Remember when your friend did this for you in that bar 18 months ago? That may have been a factor that contributed to your current situation. It says desperate and weak if you need your mom to come up and talk to me first, then introduce me to you. The best you can hope for out of this situation is that we’ll have one play date, you’ll supply the juice and crackers, and I’ll never call you again.
Don’t strategically place your child near mine to get your foot in the door.
I know you’re thinking that they’ll become instant playground friends. In your head they’ll be giving each other toddler hugs and kisses within a few minutes and I’ll sit down beside you on the bench and ask all about your little darling, and eventually you. Sorry, but it probably won’t go down like that. More than likely that encounter is going to end in your kid crying and possibly bleeding. Don’t blame me. I didn’t teach her to behave this way–it’s genetic.
Some married guys may be a little resistant to your advances
Let me clarify here. It’s a fantasy of most guys to meet a single mom who’s depending on her parents to support her and her kids(s) and may or may not have been to rehab a couple of times. Bonus if you yell at your kids over every little thing they do and fill the toddler’s sippy cup with soft drinks. Unfortunately for you, after they’ve made a commitment to someone else, some guys have a problem giving in to this fantasy. So if your target is a married guy, it would help for you to be really hot. Did I say hot? I meant really rich. Oh yeah, and it wouldn’t hurt if you’re really hot.
Bring better snacks than The Missus packed for us
If you need help reading between the lines, that means B-E-E-R. I’m spelling it out because mine repeats everything now, and I don’t want her talking to her mom about me drinking the beer you brought to the park. I mean, everything she says sounds like “Padasht”, but it will be pretty obvious she’s talking about my drinking when she starts stumbling around and falls on her ass, then just laughs about it. Mom will know something is up because she never packs beer for us when we go out. If you don’t have beer, I could possibly be lured into striking distance with a Fudge Round or a bag of Tom’s salt and vinegar potato chips.
These aren’t hard and fast rules, just general guidelines. For instance, some dads may prefer hard liquor to beer, and others may actually be happy to talk to your mom, what with the Cougar Craze sweeping the nation right now. As is the case any time you are on the prowl for someone to play dad to your kids temporarily, you’ll have to feel each situation out and adjust your strategy.
I promise I didn’t plan on doing this–I just happened upon this post form last year with tips on evaluating your kids’ teachers, and I thought it was a good time to bring it up again since school has just started back.Â This is one of the few posts I’ve written that I think may add some value to society.Â If you have young kids in school it is worth a glance.
And while I have your attention on education, the missus is giving away a $20 Abunga gift card over at Reading Coach Online this month.Â The drawing is open to anyone who subscribes by email.Â If you haven’t been to her site, it is loaded with information and fun activities to help your kids with their reading.Â It’s a great resource for both homeschooling parents and parents with kids in school as well.
Earlier tonight we were patting ourselves on the backs over the fact that we realize no matter how sweet the kid can be, she definitely has a mischievous side. Tonight she was being pretty difficult while we were out at dinner, but every time someone would come talk to her and she’d turn on the charm. She’s like that pretty much all day–wandering the house with a crazed look in her eye searching for a cat to torture. But as soon as she catches you watching her it’s all smiles and sweetness.
Sorry Chicky–we’re wise to your game. We invented that game.
SVD has made a great find. No need to keep up with your kid anymore, just give them some ink and you’re done.Â I can already see where this is headed–kids running wild in zoos, amusement parks, shopping malls, and strip clubs.Â Â Wait, I meant shopping clubs and strip malls…sorry.Â Meanwhile their moms will all be sitting on park benches reading books or taking naps on cots waiting for their cell phone to ring and tell them their kids have broken something–again.
You know, parenting gets easier and easier every day. Who knows, maybe one day, when someone develops the technology, there will be a box you can put your kids in front of that will hold their attention for hours on end.
I just got a phone call from a friend who was upset to the verge of tears. She’d had Child Protective Services called on her by the daycare that she’s used for more than three years for her first child, and most recently for her six week old baby. Why did they call CPS? Because they mistook the Mongolian spots on her baby’s back for bruises.
I’m not expecting everyone who reads this to know what Mongolian spots are, so here’s a quick explanation. They are birthmarks that occur on almost every baby of East Asian decent and are common in other races as well. They look a lot like bruises, as the photo above demonstrates. (More on Mongolian spots at Wikipedia).
But Mongolian spots aren’t bruises. And while I’m pretty sure that the average person who hasn’t seen them before doesn’t know what they are, I would definitely expect the director of a child care facility to know exactly what they are, especially when this facility exists in a THE family fitness center (you can probably guess the one) that presumably services a variety of members from different ethnic backgrounds.
How embarrassing for her, not only to have CPS called on her because of someone else’s inexcusable ignorance at their job, but also because she is an instructor at this facility and was leaving her children with her co-workers while she taught her class.
I remember when Poison was really popular and I thought they were stupid. Mostly it was because I was a music snob back then, but a lot of it had to do with the fact that they just sucked.
Now we have Rock Of Love, and honestly, I can think of 5 people I know right now who are happily married with kids and regular ol’ jobs who act more like rock stars than Bret Michaels. I had Easter dinner with one of them (and our wives and kids) today, after he got out of church of course. I think we drank enough beer between the two of us–it had to have been 2/3 of a six pack–to put Bret Michaels under the table.
I wouldn’t let this guy be a roadie for a boy band–that’s how NOT Rock Star he is. I submit these five facts for your consideration.
1. He has no game. None.
You would think that after having girls throw themselves at him for a few years in the 80s, he would at least have a little bit of game. This guy couldn’t close the deal with a drunk hooker if he had crapped crack and pissed liquid gold. Want to see a rock star with game? Give me (of course) David Lee Roth.
2. No famous chicks want to date him
Bret Michaels is was actually attractive and famous. And he has to go on TV to get a date? Yeah he dated Pam Anderson (briefly) a long time ago. But my guess is she quickly figured out how lame he is (see reason #1). Even the girl he picked in the first season of Rock of Love didn’t want to date him, presumably because she was already too famous for him. Let me have Rick Ocasek, Billie Joel, Adam Clayton, Kid Rock or instead of this Z-list supporter.
3. He took the girls’ exes to Dave and Busters.
Not a trip into and out of Vegas for a weekend on a private jet. Not a run to Tijuana to get tats and piercings. Not even a strip club. Dave and Freaking Busters. Give me a break. Nothing says ROCK STAR like sipping on a Zima and playing a few rounds of skee-ball and wak-a-mole, huh? Instead, I’d like to see Lemmy from Motorhead. Yeah, he’s not going to go anywhere uber-cool either, but he’ll show up with a cooler full of beer and keep you up all night telling funny stories and burning you with cigarettes when he catches you nodding off. That’s cool.
4. He’s never fought a member of Motley Crue
As far as I know, he hasn’t fought anybody. Not that I’m surprised by that–I’m sure he’d get his ass kicked. But he’s never even shown that he has a temper. I’ve never heard stories of dressing rooms being trashed. I’ve never heard of him being thrown out of a club for breaking a beer bottle across someone’s face. Nothing. I’d so much rather watch this show with Tommy Lee, who I bet has fought EVERY member of Motley Crue at one time or another.
5. He’s never been to rehab
That’s actually admirable for people like me and you. But this is America. We like our rock stars either troubled, violent, or toxic–preferably all three. He’s never even been drunk on his own “party like a rock star” TV show. I have a feeling that “Bret’s Brew” is actually 30% lemonade, 30% fruit punch, 30% Sprite and 10% soda water. Give me Bret’s old guitar player, C.C. DeVille in his place. At least there’s a chance he’ll go on a coke binge and freak out right in front of our eyes.
Last month I posted about a proposal in Nebraska that would mandate testing to homeschooling families.Â Today, thanks to Reason, I read an article in the LA Times stating that homeschooling has been ruled illegal by a California appellate court.
“Parents do not have a constitutional right to home school their children,” wrote Justice H. Walter Croskey in a Feb. 28 opinion signed by the two other members of the district court.
Hold on.Â WHAT?!Â Excuse me?Â Did I read that correctly?Â They don’t have the constitutional right?Â Pause for a second to digest that.
You know who loves this ruling, right?
Teachers union officials will also be closely monitoring the appeal. A.J. Duffy, president of United Teachers Los Angeles, said he agrees with the ruling.
“What’s best for a child is to be taught by a credentialed teacher,” he said.
Credentialed by the State, right?Â No conflict of interest there.Â Relax Teachers Union people.Â Good teachers have been in demand since ancient times, way before unions.Â They’ll always be in demand and are in no danger of ever being out of work.
Notice something I’m not discussing here is religion, which the Times article mentions frequently.Â It’s almost as if they’re trying to make this a religious issue, which it obviously isn’t.Â It just so happens that many people homeschool their children for religious reasons, but that’s not the only reason.
This will surely be overturned, but is it something the State would be willing to take to the limit.Â Are they willing to line up tanks outside of someone’s home and threaten them with bullets for refusing to send their kids to gov’ment indoctrination camps schools?
California, if you’re still wondering why the rest of the country unfairly labels you a bunch of crazies…